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 I miss you, I'll never forget you. Hey, I'm Estelle, ends with a Teh. I'm definitely an ass, with brains. I don't love books, but words, Got what I mean? No :D I'm random, epic failure and success, weirdo, who goes POP! :D I love my guitar, 060310!♥, My best buddy whenever I'm upset. I don't bite/bark, I'm friendly! :) I love Boys Like Girl, Paramore and Secondhand Serenade, and I love my band. My biggest dream, yet deepest nightmare is LOVE.
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Random stuff.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Guess ain't feeling any better compare to yesterday.It went so drastic last night. I'm starting to lose myself, help me! Please. I'm losing the whole human race, help me, PLEASE. I guess I don't need the care from anyone. I don't deserve to be love, I don't deserve the priviledge of human being. I deserve to go HELL! I'm not happy pretending to be alright. Hatred builds up to killing. If you all get what I mean, DUDE! You can don't get what I mean though. Cycling does makes me go HIGH. I was cycling and screaming ALL the way, Nice.. Imagine cycling and going HIGH alone. Loner and Pathetic hor?! I know. Learning to get high ALONE. Okay, shall end here. Hmm, I'm stuck with UNTIL WE BLEED. Seem so eerie. And I realised all the tissues that I cried is in my bagpack. (Laughs, but true) *Applause* "Best" student of the year to Estelle Teh, ya right. Crapz, so many random stuff. Goodbyez! Fuck my life.
FUCK MY LIFE.I HAD ENOUGH OF MY LIFE. I GIVE UP ALREADY, HAPPY? I DON'T NEED THE CONCERN OF ANYBODY. I DON'T DESERVE TO BE LOVE. I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. I DON'T DESERVE THIS 'HAPPY' LIFE. TAKE IT AS A BREAK FROM MY BLOG. CONTACT ME IF YOU WANT. BYE! Your name, I fear you, GIRL.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Jealousy. Hmm, skipped healthzone nutrition talk on Thursday. Thus, I've to go with the 2N's on this coming Tuesday. Tweet using Gladycast SMS now, well it's good. Anyway, I borrowed Sweetie's geekspecs. And Jialin called me a pathetic geek, I got a NEW NAME called, PATHETIC GEEK. LOLOL. I find it hilarious and started laughing at myself. I wanna thank Joshua and Cassandra for all the support they both give. The both of them are the best people I've ever met in my life. Sweetie always offer me his help and that's why I wanna thank him alot. This is something that most of you will think it's stupid. But if you BOTHER to read on, you will know why my attitude change. These few days, the name keeps appearing in my head. I woudn't tell you who, but ask me personally if you wanna know. I look back and I asked myself, WHY AM I SO STUPID TO TRUST THIS PERSON? Thinking about that, I nearly gave up my life for her. I was sharing with Callista'Darling today, when I send her home. Even if anyone mention your name, my whole face will change immediately. If those who mention your name took notice. My WHOLE face will turn very black, and if I ever try to pretend, I will look as if I'm holding back my tears. I have this fear of listening to your name, I don't know why. I will tend to cry whenever I look back. And it's not just a sorry, that can cure it. I thought I'll be alright, but because of HER. I fear of having friends, I fear people. I had the tendacy to look back whenever I hear your name. It's my first ever time crying for a GIRL and you were the only one. A SORRY CAN'T CURE HOW MUCH YOU HAD HURT ME. I nearly pay my life for it, you know? Hais.. I know I'm being a fool. I thought I was just sensitive, but I wasn't. It's the truth. Randomness.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Mind my vulgatiries, ain't in a good mood.Thanks to CASSANDRANG, best sister award! Lesbo hor?! :P Okay, cutcut. I feel like sleeping now. Feel so sleepy and tired, WTH. Imagine, I didn't sleep for the whole night! And I just prepare for school? I think it's such an ass. Well, main reason, ask for me. I don't want anyone to interfere, thankyouverymuch. Well, today is the best day among all school days though. Loads of craps and fun, went crazzeh nearly every lesson, EXCEPTION for science. I think Science is super interesting huh. Crapz, Goodbye! I've given up.
Friday, January 22, 2010
This week is a blast of boredom.Everything isn't going alright since school starts. Miss Dahlia talked to me. I find it hard to pretend at times, seriously. Imagine things ain't going right in your family, what else could you do? I can only sit back and watch the "show". I know it's gonna be hard, but the main thing is I'm holding on to life for no reasons. I'm seriously a burden to my family. I'm too ashamed of myself, they work so hard. Yet, I.. give up. What am I? Sometimes, I felt very discouraged in life. What else can I do but only cry to lessen my pain? I've totally got no mood to listen to lessons. Encouragements are the secondary. The main cause lies with me, myself. If my attitude is like this, what else can I do with it? When people felt lost, the only thing they can do is to sit back and enjoy the "show". When it gets tough, the only thing you could do is to just to fight. I seriously feel like dropping to NA. Express is seriously stress and pissing me off. School, suck.
Monday, January 18, 2010
I'm on the verge of giving up on my life. During lessons, I'm totally off. I'm just sitting down there and scribble on my textbook/workbook. I guess everyone wants an explaination for the cuts on my hand. Reason #1: Some of it is caused by my mum. Reason #2: Because I want to, get it?! What would you live for? Purpose or play? My answer to you all is PLAY. No point holding on to a pointless life. I looked at myself, in a pathetic way. I had seen no point in living, as a human. I see no hope in life. Each day passed, I believed it's going to be a better day. But it's all false hopes, I'm totally crushed. I would never want to look back or forward. I'm living each day, like a step by step concept. Day by day basis, I don't know what's life. If you can explain to me, what's life, tell me about that. Estelle. Happy family.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I do envy people with a good family at times, ♥.Trust me, I envy them alot. I would be wondering, why didn't I have one? Well, was very tired yesterday, legs breaking, neck breaking, stomach breaking, what-so-ever you can think of. Was super uber damn tiredddddd yesterday, RIDICULOUS. Note to self: If you wanna go out next time, long walk or SHOPPING, please don't wear heels. It's 110% true. Test it by yourself if you wanna try out, remember to bring a book and put it in your mouth. (Laughs) Pictures for DRAMA currently in another computer. Gosh! Mum's scolding, ONCE AGAIN! Like I don't know how long. CCA Openhouse, ELDDS!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
P/s, don't be late for anything/whatever timing I'm supposed to meet.This habit must changed. After updating, I'm going off! Yellow Ribbon project is today, for the councillor. Sec1, CCA openhouse was in the morning. Woke up at 6.15, but I was feeling feverish and whole body aching. I slept again and got woke up by 7(!) Ate medicine, and fell asleep. Woke up late and rushed for Openhouse, for ELDDS! Ate cough medicine with fever medicine. Anyway, it was a blast though. I thought I had to cover up/replace, in the end, thank goodness! Feeling quite unwell these few days. How long will it take for this battle to end? I wonder how many stuff I didn't get yet. (Thinking, hmm) *Claps* There's ELDDS next week, can't wait for CCA(!) I MISS MISS ELAINE LIM MEI MEI FOR ENGLISH LESSON! (Sadded) Horrendous week.
Friday, January 15, 2010
16th Jan 2010, 1.34am.Hey, People. It had been long since i've posted. Gosh! A horrendous i-don't-know-how-to-describe week just passed. And it's gonna be the 3rd week of school. So fast yeah? I'm gonna pen/post down what I want. P/s, I'm a very materialistic person. Just that I'm helping my parents to save some money. If not, they'll go broke if I get all the items. Mummy, please buy me! A New heartshape necklace. Complete folding my paperhearts. Cure the sick stomach of mine's. Badminton with *ahem* and 2E5'10 people(!) Bring me back to ECP, I want more seashells! One last meetup with RAHRAH! I miss her! Before she starts to fly again. P/s, she take aeroplane like MRT like that. Rich people, LMAO. To make 2e5 a card each for everyone. Alot more. Personally ask me on msn, if you really wanna know. CCA opening house tomorrow. Waking up at normal school timing, Great! I miss my potty potzpotz. Haven't been updating my songs, ARGH. I guess it's just a silly song about you. And how i lost you and your BROWN EYES. //Editted. To this friend of mine, You've been through what i've been through. And I explained to you everything. But I asked you this question, would to bear to watch HIM leave you? You told me, your boyfriend is with another girl and don't treat you seriously. You told me, you love him alot. But because of a girl, you gave up the fight. Not worth, totally. I would rather tell you, Hey! Get up and continue to love. But I know you are very hurt. You can choose to continue with life w/o him. But could you bear with the pain? Go back and think and reflect, Dan. - P/s, I feel like i'm being used. If you get what I mean. Prolly, you'll be like, QUESTIONMARK? Okay, CRAP STUFF. It's time to get myself going. A super uber pain headache, caught with a flu, cough like crazeh-eh. Talk like don't-know-who. Camp.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Sorry people, for not blogging for like a few days. Was in camp. The second night, you can say, I get very emotional. Because we were told to close our eyes and think about the past. I wanna thank PM Ivan and XY for talking to me and encouraging me. On that night, I cried, very badly. Anyway, people call me "shagua", Silly Girl! It had been like this for last year. PM XY, she talked to me on the second night. PM Ivan said something like I can do it, he knows I'm strong. He purposely discouraged me when we were doing the postman walk. Our class is the only class who did the postman walk. And the second night after dismissing for reflections. I wanna thank Darshani, Farhanah, Yeapyi and Shereen for telling me to smile. Darshani had been a very good partner. The more they talk, the more I wanna cry. Reason, I don't wanna tell you all. At the night, I was secretly tearing. I come home with a high fever. 39.8 last night. I woke up at 11.54pm. I slept at 8 plus. So hot till I kept sweating. I suddenly cannot talk last night. Anyway, Bye! Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I promised to update my blog often.Just post about today. (Funny) Lessons = boring. Slept in history lesson, damn bored! Hmm, chinese lesson, wasn't attentive. School life, Holiday life. Alot of difference, sigh. Packing for camp stuff tomorrow, Great! -.- I will miss PearllynnPotz! I haven't seen her for so many days! :( Talking to Lin on msn. Hope I can stuff those stuff into my bag, especially clothes! I bringing shirs there -.- OF COURSE! Okay, I'm still in a holiday mood. Switch your brain, estelle! First day of school, ya.
Monday, January 4, 2010
2010 started. Never a day, I had peace. Neither today. I'm feeling troubled. Spend nights crying, EVERYDAY. I know it's gonna be don't-know-how-many battles ahead. I'm kinda worn out here already. I feel so tired, you know? But I'm not going down without a fight. I'm going to fight with my one last breathe. Things ain't going well in the family. Things ain't going well in my damn brain. Things ain't going well with nearly EVERYTHING. I think it's like pretty much alike to Potz. Potz is having a hard time in her school, I hope she's alright. First day of school, I feel so irritated already. Because my brain is not in a studying mood. If tomorrow is still the same, I would rather commit suicide. My eyes are so sore. If i can have a chance, I would rather not go to a JC now. If I've got my goal already, I should work towards it. I'm aiming for lyrics writing course. Gonna continue guitar learning online, and piano too. Bye. Mood: Horrible, Terrible, and a stupid mood. Random
Saturday, January 2, 2010
I'm remisniscing the past these few days. Okay, whatever. Gosh! School is on Monday. I'm so not looking forward to it. Anw, Potz say we shall hate school together, am I right?!?! :D Hmm, she told me that the phone she's using now, had been in a washingmachine for 19 mins xD Damn funny, i tell you! Laughing like craze! I know the trick to revive phone! :D Sweetey Twinny said I've to be active on both blogs. So I update this one. And then I'm like eating instant noodles for the 2 days. 3 meals = Instant noodles. Nice one. Mum don't even bother buying for me luh, gracious! Okay, got cancer, don't blame me. Skipskip. Gonna go school at 6.30am on Monday, probably duty? Andand, My mum kick up a big fuss just because of ants. Nono, it's AN ant. Wth right? Dad scolded her. Okay, random stuff posting. Byebye! 2009.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Had a dream last night. Shall not elaborate much. Ridiculous. I FEEL LIKE CLOSING DOWN THIS BLOG. ONCE AGAIN. BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE BLOGGING ANYMORE. But I'm sill very active at another URL. Another blog will be a blog that only Potz know. Hmm, well, stuck on the song speechless already. Thanks to the disc, Sweetie! :D Hoho! Pretty much of coincidence, 2009 is indeed a year of love, sorrow, pain, hurt, hardship & more. It goes like a storybook. It ended with a sorrow of mine. MOST UNEVENTFUL YEAR EVER AWARD, CLAPCLAPS* I change alot compare to the past, and I grown alot. Things wasn't going that well till I really know sweetie! :D You can say pretendance. If people know me well, I always hide things. I never really tell people how i really feel. But yeah, it went like uh huh. I know it's alot of crap. Do bear with it if you wanna continue to read. Everyday, I tell myself, brighten myself up. I was very optimistic, yeah, blah. It was just pretendance. I wasn't myself all this while. Now, I'm letting this friend of mine go. I don't hate you or anything, I just know that the scar you left, will take a very long time to heal. Friend, I just wanna say, Goodbye. And i'll take back the words, I said in the previous post. I were too harsh, but I wanna clarify it. I won't look for you anymore. Xoxo, Est. Bye! Just a small little book with love. I just finish 2 packet of tissue paper.
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