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 I miss you, I'll never forget you. Hey, I'm Estelle, ends with a Teh. I'm definitely an ass, with brains. I don't love books, but words, Got what I mean? No :D I'm random, epic failure and success, weirdo, who goes POP! :D I love my guitar, 060310!♥, My best buddy whenever I'm upset. I don't bite/bark, I'm friendly! :) I love Boys Like Girl, Paramore and Secondhand Serenade, and I love my band. My biggest dream, yet deepest nightmare is LOVE.
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Love spins me up and down.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Well, my week had finally ended.Very much, there's still DRAMA tomorrow. And reporting at 9am, or 8.50am. Love is like a river, it will flow till the end. It never stops until you given it away. I give it to you, and you took my one last breathe away. I miss you :( Hais. People, I don't know how to face all of you. I feel like i'm so ashamed. I hope it wasn't the matter that I'm going to get expelled. I let everyone who cares for me down. Bullet frames. Great. I'm speaking NONSENSE now. Subconscious mode now. I'm getting my guitar next week, anyone? - Due to my free time, I look into the past. I broke down, why can't I just forgive her? Why must I hold grudges? Right at this moment, I feel like crying. SOMEONE'S BESIDE ME NOW! It's a girl, not a boy, don't worry. I hug her and cried so hard. Because that scar causes alot of hurt and pain to me. Hais, what can I do? TELL ME WHAT TO DO. FML. I'm not over you.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
It's 11.40pm, and I'm still wide awake.Can someone just tell me that you guys truly understands me? Hais. I somehow don't get it. I called him a bastard because of those lies, yet in heart, I still do care about him, and sometimes, I even mummbled his name out, OUT OF NOWHERE. I promised you guys that I'll be happy, I'm very sorry, I break my promise. I cannot do it. My happiness is like not going up, it's been going down. Estelle, no matter what, smile like you used to. I'm very tiredtiredtired, can anyone sense it? I know everyone's EYES are like paying a whole lot of attention to me. I know! Because every teacher had been asking me what happened. Every minute, I keep thinking about you, 9 months of relationship, how am I suppose to give up that easily? Everyone is telling me, NOT WORTH, but to me, it worth like a million/billion/zillion, it's totally worth my whole life. Why ain't I giving up? My heart isn't. My heart is still holding on to this 9 months relationship. Estelle, why? *Trying to convince myself to let go* Sorry, I can't. I can't let go. It's too painful. I miss him, do you guys know? Every smile I had shows how much pain I had. I'm still not over you, Boy. I miss you alot, Boy. I love you alot, Boy. I just want to see you, Boy. Should I just jump down? (Crapz, Impossible, Girl) I cannot let go. P/s, after seeing what is written on *ahem's blog* I seriously don't know what to do. The first thing I do, cry. Estelle, can stop crying? I feel like digging my eyeballs out. Seriously, who wouldn't get upset, If your boyfriend, probably ex, whom you still haven't like get over, likes another girl? You like it? No right?! I know how upset it is. And I sincerely apologized to Nadhirah. I'm sorry. Joshua obvously likes *ahem* Hais, Estelle get over it. - To state the facts, I'm so sorry to tell you this, I still love him, I love him alot. I couldn't bear to let go. I feel like just jumping down, my parents think I'm hopeless. Getting over
300th post! (L)Well, just another day of LIFE. Boring life. Okey, shutup, will you, Asshole? Whatever, shingz. Sorry to tell this to all of you. I know I have "beautiful" or "colourful" language, I'm sorry. Because I'm not really in my good mood, and I tend to give attitude, so sorry. Especially to Jialin'PatheticGeek, so sorry :( What's wrong with me? Estelle, get back on track. Happy Birthday, Joshua! See? :P I so "good", but hor, 14 years old le, while I'm 13, nice! :( I spoilt my day by vulgarities, I'll cut it down. Currently hugging stitch, Aww man. I can't sleep without stitch. But hey, it's not mine :) I got to return it soonz! Get over it, Estelle. Life still goes on. Thanks Jialin, for making this much effort to help me. Pictures all at FACEBOOK! (Upload soonz! :D) I'm jealous of SOMEONE having IpodTouch! :( 32GB somemore. Haha! xD Better let me get hold of that! Guys, 2NA2, 2E5, alot more of my friends who had been supporting me. Callista, Cassandra, Yunhui, Edric, CrystalLeong, Sherleen, Qixiu, Nadhirah, Adilah, Nicole, Xuewei, Jialin, Darshani, Jiayee, Peien, Cynthia, Dayna, Hengyean, Meiyi, Maybelene, 2E5, and 2NA2 girls, you guys helped me alot. And I know you guys care alot about me, especially, my addiction. I love you guys, give me some time. I'll get over it. All in all, no one just understands me. Whatever, I don't care anymore. When I fall, whose there? You guys. Yet my heart isn't giving up! :( ME WANT STITCH! :( Okay, I want to buy stuff. Im speechless, I stil haven't forget that girl. And somemore, there's 2 more. Wah, how to take it? Please. CB MUM.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I'm sorry that I've disappointed my peers and schoolmates. I'm awfully sorry. I'm very broken right now. I don't know what to do. But I promised all of you that I will stand up again. I feel like telling him i love him. But what he had done tells me that I'm going to be like that for life for sure. If I continue. Hais. Thanks, Little Marshmallow! Crystal! :) Loves, thanks for encouraging me, and I know you want me to change. Today wasn't a great day, after school met with Haikal, Menda'Bigfries, Chindi and Joshua. Supposingly it's an ELDDS meeting, Nice. Chatted with Haikal and Joshua till around 4 plus or 5. Then went to find 2/5 people! Guitar-ed with them and chatted with them. Headed home and had only INSTANT NOODLES. Fuck, okay, I'm pissed off at my mum. Veryvery. I had enough of her! Kanina, bueysong sial.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Kaninabuchaocheebye luh! Fuckedup now. I'm in a confusing matter,very angry at myself. Mind me people. Sorry, once you move on, stop thinking already. But yet I can't. I need PANADOL pills now. I fucking need it now. Sunday, February 21, 2010
Pissed off. What's up with my mum?! Forget it. I don't give a damn man. Okay, talking about yesterday. I think I did crazy stuffs with CCY, (Callista, Cassandra, Yunhui) 200210! (L) Sisters forever, CCEY! :D Okay, I did a haircut, and I look like a japanese girl right now. Should I get maxi lense? Hehe! I want MAXI LENSE! I'm still stuck with Bad romance by Lady Gaga. What's up with me?! I heard that the reason for getting sick and tired of the song, because everyone overplayed the songs. Guess what? Callista don't want to cut her hair :( All having short hair, she's the only person who have long hair. I want to change my phone! I want T707 blackblackblack, Jalou wouldn't be much of a problem? Bought similiar stuff with them though. Drama was quite okay, boring for now. But give in my best shot, isn't it? I need to download songs :( Outdated already. Better download more. Monday, February 15, 2010
Catch me somewhere else where I can fly.Catch me on tumblr, probably. Winter, summer. One clue here, Goodbye! Tired, CNY.
Today is totally suckish.My uncle spoilt my whole mood just by scolding me. Okay, fine. He won, whatever. I don't need anyone's care! Not even a single sympathy from you all. I just want to be who I want to be. Judge me like a book, judge for all you want. I don't give a single fuck care! Great! -.- Mum took away my angbao money and only give me a few dollars. And I got to buy my history textbook, how to eat? I guess I can tear the card and throw that present away already. I don't seem to be important to anybody right now. Right at this moment, I'm crying, yet I didn't care much. Because I'm not giving myself anymore chances. I'm too afraid, too hurt, too weak to survive in this cruel world. No matter what, I'll still be attending school. I'll still serve my fucking detention. Do my fucking HOMEWORK! Provided if I have the energy source. Bye! Speechless, Teach me how to love. Teach me how to give up on life. Chinese New Year, Yuckkkk!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Okay, kinda busy with my blogging now.Most boring part of Chinese New Year, is to listen to the nagging(s). Mind me though, I'm complete lost for words. I guess tomorrow is the worst day for CNY! Sucks. My luck sucks man, I hope I can get $300 dollars this year. Last year was around, $280. I want $300 and above. Sorry, I'm cashless now, but I've got redpackets! Yet my mum wants it, SUCK. Waiting for replies, Hehe! Gonna update Livejournal later on though. Very upset these few days. Mind me for being self centered awhile. I wanna change my speaker! I want subwoofer! I don't care! I want STRONG bass! Pwetty pweaseeeeee! School sucks for me, I don't even bother to do homework nowadays. Pardon me, but don't you think that way? I love H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S! Anti-homework! Okay, kinda crappingz, enough of crapzzzzzz! Bye! I don't like it.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I guess it's just like that.Things is the way i expected, every answer seems to be telling me to give up. I'm holding on, because I'm told so? Dumb right? I don't know what to say now. I just need time to recover. I just need time to think. I don't know why. I don't need any help from you all, ALL I REQUEST IS TO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. Please, I don't wanna do anything else to my life anymore. I just want P.E.A.C.E! I broke down today, in the middle of the crowd, how cool. a little more time.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Mind me for being alone awhile,Things happening around, do discouraged me alot. Mind me for being self centered. I just need a little bit more time. I'm not gonna tell anyone about my problems, only a few trusted ones. Anyway, Had a great chat with Twinny just now! ^^ Shervellll!(L) I want to smile. And this world is too realistic enough to kill me, I wanna DIE! Please. People. Kill me! I'm in serious pain. Cassan, better don't say out! Okay, bye! Fruitful day.
Quite a fruitful day, just feeling a little tired. *Yawns*Anyway, today was so freaking tired. I find MISS DAHLIA for 3 times, she not in her desk ): I need counselling! Argh! I'm currently in no mood, because of FREAKING WOKSHITS & ahem. I won't tell you what, only Cassan knows. I'm currently blogging, gonna do homework later. No matter how tired, I'm going to complete it! I'm upset, cheer me up, please ): Okay, I know you guys don't bother, ZIHIGH! Whatever, shingz~ Bye! Went for a swim, felt quite okay. Estelle.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
This realistic world is harsh enough to kill me.I would rather end all my pain. Ever since you told me that, I've been hurt. Hais. I want to be honest. Sorry, people, Mind me, I'm not gonna be the estelle that you all see anymore. Take it as I didn't come into all of your life's. I'm waiting for tonight, just to breakdown. I'm waiting for tonight, just to tell the truth. To tell myself, I'm going to die! I'm very very tired. I do not need your encouragements anymore. I fall and I'm not gonna stand up. Give me some time. Just updated tumblr, do view it, I'll be there permanent. I will update tumblr daily, do go there. Stranger.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sorry, people, I'll relink and reply tags once I'm free, just doing a quick update! Hey, Readers! I'm back. After a long emotional and sick day. It start off well in the morning, but right after recess, My whole mood change. Broke down during MT lesson. Thanks, Sweetie, Hengyean and Dayna'Bestfriend, for blessing me during RECESS! No matter how much I tell myself, I got to smile just for the sake of those who cared, halfway through, I'll still feel discouraged. After school, I got very emotional, I had a fever. Asshole kids, Pour bottles of water on me, FREEZING COLD. Did I tell you it's ice water? Sit at the staircase, freezing like what? Damn cold, Brrrrr. My eyes are sore, am I a stranger to you people? I'm refering to EVERYONE SINGLE ONE OF YOU. Monday, February 8, 2010
I don't give a DAMN to you. Tyvm. This post will be full of anger and fustration! Trust me. Okay, whatever~ Just now, I was using the computer, just to charge and download my MP4 player. Thus, my mum came to my room, scoldscoldscold, I don't give a damn. I told her, LATER. In a very polite way, yet she's being so unreasonable, she said, NOW! Shingz, whatever. She forced me to say get out of my room, as I wanted to study. She keep scoldscoldscold. Hey, you stupid ass. Stop ripping things in my blog(s), can?! I don't give a fucking damn to you. Trying to be like me?! Scram off, BITCH, SLUT, WHORE, CHICKENASSES! I hate you, even the rest do, you think I care? Stop being a flirt, can anot?! Shitz you. I seriiously feel very discouraged now. Right at this moment, I'm telling myself, DON'T GIVE UP. Smile. Estelle, smile! But actually, inside me, My heart is dead, halfway giving up. "Estelle, just give up, you know it's going to be tough, so give up girl!" Argh! Hais. Tell me something good at least. Motto in life, and thanks.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Sunday, Afternoon, 1.45pm. Hello, readers! Phew, after a short bathe, felt refreshed. Going to study later on, first and formals, I got to finish up piles of WORKshits. Nice right? I know, ain't any better. Okay, whatever~ I'm just swaying my time away for now. Going for a jog later n the evening, aftermath, should be heading to JP and buy some stuff with Mum. I want a new Heartshape necklace! Haha! :D I really wanna say sorry to PearllynnPotz. We drifted alot after school started, and I wanna say a sincere sorry to you. Let's meet up soon, alright? :) Anyway, I'm telling myself and forcing myself to move on in life. I got to continue to run this human race, I'm going at my own pace. If I cannot catch up with my work, I'll honestly ask teacher. Thanks, Jialin, Cassandra, Maybelene, Yixuan, Jeremy, Ryan, Tongwai, Khairul, and alot more people. Especially 2e5'10 for encouraging me, believing me, and doing loads of things just to make me get back up on track. Living by a motto, I'll live everyday of my life to the fullest, to the max that I can. I knew it,
Saturday, February 6, 2010
I knew it, just that I kept quiet and didn't tell you. Had MC for 2 days. Yet I return to school for D-RAMARAMA. Feels okay, just abit giddy. Guess what? I'm very self-centered. Nice right?! Fine, whatever, Shingz. Okay, I'm feeling exhuasted. I wanted to head home for a goodnight rest, yet I didn't. I was feeling very tired, but once I lay down on the mattress. I started to tear, and a thought came. "Estelle, give up, just give up, seriously, there's nothing in life to hold on, not even for your career." It tears me apart when you first said that. But I anticipated it already. I couldn't control my emotions, I had no one to turn to at that point of time. A thought came, do anything that makes you feel alright, I nearly took the knife and stab myself. Wake up, estelle. Reality, that's all. But I don't wanna face it. Hais. Livejournal back, http://thlovemachine.livejournal.com Craps and i-d-k what.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
  (Paiseh, Pictures are taken quiet awhile.) Was it because I owe you my life? Okay, forget about it. I'm trying to let go of you, girl. Haha! Okay, enough of crapz. Hmm, Copycat! I hate you, shitz you! Give jiaobin huh, NB! You bueysong, is it? Things I have, you wanna piece of it, or rather the full share? Fuck you. You seem innocent, AW. You ain't, sucker! Haha! Thanks alot to ShervelLim! (L) Had a great chat with her. Well, thanks to ShutiaoJieh! (L) for her $2! Loves(L) Went for the healthzone talk today, it was a TOTAL blast! Well, Had fun though, because of Aisha and the other girls, Haha! Not even done with a single SHIT of homework huh, Nice. I broke down just now, and I'm telling myself to hold on yet in my heart, I'm giving up. I think I'm slowly giving up. (Inner struggles) FML! Thanks, Potz for cheering me up, she's the best person you can find whenever you're upset, serious, I'm not lying through my teeth, (I'm not lying!) Okay, I guess this post is full of shit sentences. Random stuff for the day. P/s, I skipped a period of MotherTongue today! Yayness! P/s/s, I'm not done with my homework. P/s/s/s, I need to charge my MediaPlayer. P/s/s/s/s, I love ICE water! (Since young) P/s/s/s/s/s, I love M&M, so rainbow-ish! P/s/s/s/s/s/s, I hate that girl, don't make me turn it into hatred, I will kill myself. P/s/s/s/s/s/s/s, Listening to Blahblahblah. P/s/s/s/s/s/s/s/s, I'm so pissed off at you, girl. If I know it from the start, I wouldn't have know ya. I thought I could trust ya, but I've been hurt deeply.
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